moody. very moody.

hmm. thinking about going to college, i'm not sure how i feel about it. today, i want to be a doctor, so i might as well start going to school now, i won't be out for a loooong time. earlier today, and still to the now, i feel like i am missing something still. I'm not quite sure what it is but its not really a pleasant feeling. a man? a job? college? a good friend to sit down and cry with? i don't really think it's a man, you don't need a man to be happy. i just want to start working as a phlebotomist already. i know i have a long time of waiting to come, but i wish it would just start already.. all my friends are gone, or busy so i don't really have anyone to sit down with and have a good hearty cry. i've been feeling extremely emotional for no reason, its quite weird.. i hope that i figure out what i am missing in my life soon so i can return to happiness. lately the only thing that makes me happy is reading.. i have noticed that i have really high expectations and high morals for the man that i want to spend the rest of my life with. i considered lowering them, but then i rethink about it and know that i wouldn't be happy with lower expectations. i hope this moodiness goes away soon, i'm rather quite sick of it. I know God has my life planned out for me and i just need to take his path, and stop trying to create my own. sometimes i wish i knew my purpose for coming to this world. i feel rather sad about many things, but happy that i have a loving family, and a healthy body.