Jesus

"I see You there hanging on a tree, You bled and then You died and then You rose again for me, now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne, soon we will be coming home, You're beautiful. when we arrive at eternity shore, where death is just a memory and tears are no more. we'll enter in as the wedding bell's ring, Your bride will come together and we'll sing You're beautiful" You're Beautiful by MercyMe. I love Jesus. Without Him we would not be here, He died for me, so that I could have a chance at life, and find my way back to Him. His glory is more than I deserve, but I am forever grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ. This song, and all other Christian songs does not even do our Lord, our Savior any justice. He is an almighty God, and I am proud to say that I love Him. I wish everybody felt this way, and when people say why do you even believe in something like that, it can't be proven. It's faith, I say. Have you ever felt His presence? The warmth He brings, the joy, happiness, overwhelming feeling of unconditional love? That's why I believe in Him. He is only here to help us, to help us be like Him. Jesus is perfect, He is beautiful, loving, forgiving, almighty. I cherish what I have on earth, but i know it will be nothing like being with Him, thanking Him for being so forgiving, loving, and warm. Spending eternity with my Savior, is plenty more than i could ask for. How did I get so lucky to have such an awesome God? Knowing He died so that I could live this life, have a chance, and still go back to Him is overwhelming. He is an everlasting God. i am truly blessed by my family, by our wealth, in love, in happiness, in life, in health. I am forever grateful for my everlasting Savior <3

moody. very moody.

hmm. thinking about going to college, i'm not sure how i feel about it. today, i want to be a doctor, so i might as well start going to school now, i won't be out for a loooong time. earlier today, and still to the now, i feel like i am missing something still. I'm not quite sure what it is but its not really a pleasant feeling. a man? a job? college? a good friend to sit down and cry with? i don't really think it's a man, you don't need a man to be happy. i just want to start working as a phlebotomist already. i know i have a long time of waiting to come, but i wish it would just start already.. all my friends are gone, or busy so i don't really have anyone to sit down with and have a good hearty cry. i've been feeling extremely emotional for no reason, its quite weird.. i hope that i figure out what i am missing in my life soon so i can return to happiness. lately the only thing that makes me happy is reading.. i have noticed that i have really high expectations and high morals for the man that i want to spend the rest of my life with. i considered lowering them, but then i rethink about it and know that i wouldn't be happy with lower expectations. i hope this moodiness goes away soon, i'm rather quite sick of it. I know God has my life planned out for me and i just need to take his path, and stop trying to create my own. sometimes i wish i knew my purpose for coming to this world. i feel rather sad about many things, but happy that i have a loving family, and a healthy body.

blah

Blah, that's how i feel. i can't really explain it any other way. my life has been weird lately, i am perfectly happy with it.. at least i think? i can't make up my mind about where i want to live.. i don't really love the city life, i don't like how it is fast paced and everyone isn't friendly and just a total different feel of life.. and on the other hand as much as i love Idaho it doesn't offer me as much as i am looking for right now. i have debated joining the military, but then i don't think i could be told what to do constantly. it would be awesome because you get all the awesome benefits and you get to travel the world, and come on, free schooling, who doesn't want that? i guess that just isn't what i see myself doing. i can't really put a pin point on what i can see myself doing, i know that i love helping people, and that i like the medical field, but how do you know which career to pick? and if i don't want to live in calif or in Idaho, where do i pick? how do i pick? and if i move that means i have to put off school for another year to make it cheaper.. the decisions are endless, but limited.. my family thinks i can't make up my mind.. and they are always in my freakin' business! i am grateful that i have grandparents, parents, and a brother, but they don't understand that my life is my choices and that i am being directed by my Savior.. not them.. all my friends seem to be moving on with their lives, all are engaged, married, and even pregnant. how did their lives just fall in their lap all planned out and i am the indecisive one?

Mama Steph

mama steph is the greatest mom who has ever been a mama. I am so lucky and so incredibly fortunate to have a mom like her. She totally gets me, she knows who i am, loves me unconditionally, and she lets me be me. My mom is my best friend, i can tell her anything and everything, and she doesn't judge me. She has taught me so much about myself, about life, about God, and about family, and most importantly she has shown me unconditional love. Not everyone is fortunate to have such an awesome mom, to know their mom, or their mom is no longer here, and i really feel for those people because without my amazing mom i wouldn't be the person i am today. She allows me to make mistakes and she allows me to fix them. she doesn't jump to conclusions, and she is so understanding. She hasn't always been this way, but the fact that she is like this now makes me better. You need your mom when you are a little kid, but when you grow up you realize you reaaally need your mama. The older she becomes, and the older i get, the more we both grow, and our relationship grows. I was watching a home video of the day i was born, and just to watch my mom be a mama to me and my brother was beautiful. she was so patient, and kind. and whenever she spoke to us she was full of love, joy, and happiness. The fact that i have her as a role model, i know i will make a good momma some day <3 

Dysfunctional Family

Family consists of: parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents, and everyone has some form of crazies. But mine, i seriously think tops the charts.. Have you ever had a grandmother tell you she can't have a relationship with you as long as you have one with your mother? Then when she asks why you don't talk to her anymore, and you tell her that she gave you a choice, she denies that she ever said it? Well, I do.. The day after my high school graduation we had a "family talk" which consisted of me, my father, and my grandmother. Which both of them deny she ever made me make a choice, but i remember it clear as day, in fact i hardly remember my graduation because of this crazy. I'm not one who opens up, or talks about my problems openly, but i guess that's the idea of this blog. My family is really only dysfunctional on my dad's side of the family.. I mean granted we have had some really dramatic moments on my mom's side, but nothing compares to this. And this isn't even one of the worst things she has done. A rough past shouldn't equal a difficult future. Why do people lie? What makes them think if they tell one lie that's all they tell? you have to cover up your first lie with more lies. I guess people feed off of this, but I am so thankful that my Savior Jesus Christ is in my life, and that I can forgive, but i can never forget. Just because i forgive her for making me choose (which honestly wasn't a hard decision, my mom is the best) doesn't mean i can forget what she has done, and what she is continuing to do in her day to day life. What really gets me is that my brother tries to be the peace maker. He always asks me when the last time i've talked to her, and invites me to go swimming at her house. Just because they are all brainwashed by her, and controlled by her money doesn't mean everyone is. People have this idea in their mind what life should be like, but everyone has their own view on life, and what makes them happy. Without her being in my life and trying to control me, has brought me more happiness thank i can explain. It has also brought me closer to my mother, and my mother's side of the family. Without them i wouldn't be where i am today. And i am so thankful for my Savior to give me a family who loves unconditionally and has brought me closer to Him each and everyday. With one dysfunctional family, there is one who is completely for you :)

Song writing. Guitar Playing

My newest hobby that i am absolutely in love with. Now i know why so many people do it. Writing your feelings about life, and boys and then putting it into a song and playing it, such an awesome feeling! I am totally in love with this. I've never been much of a writer (which is prob why i'm not to keen on this blog stuff) at all. But sometimes you can't help but put it into a song and make it something that means more to you than just feelings. It becomes even more real and a tune. I love learning songs from artists like kellie pickler, miranda lambert, blake shelton, jana kramer! And i def do not have the best singing voice but seriously WHO CARES!? its pretty much awesome!



anyways, i'll keep trying this blogging thing and see if i can eventually get the hang of it :)

Blog Much?

Woah, so it's been such a long time since i have even thought about using a blog, i mean fooorever. What do people write about? Their lives? Their families? Their hobbies and interests? This is crazy, I'm just myself, and just because I like something doesn't mean anyone else will like it right? So what is the point of a blog? I guess my opinion of a blog is just to write how i feel, what's new, and what's going on in my life, kind of like an online diary? Guess we will see how long i like doing this, if i ever get the hang of this thing! :)